So I was in the bathroom, flossing, ruminating on what I should blog about today when suddenly there was a little sproing! from inside my mouth, and the floss slid out from between my teeth when it should have been held firmly in place by my retainer. Which can only mean one thing: the glue that's held this wire in place for the past seven years has finally succumbed. I haven't been to the orthodonist since I was nineteen, when he finally pronounced me "finished" after ten plus years of retainers, braces, headgear, all designed to eradicate any clue that I might have my family's jawline. But they left in this one wire, glued to the back of my bottom teeth to hold them in place. Over the years I've thought mildly that I ought to do something about it, only I was never near my orthodontist and I was afraid that my teeth would instantly spring into a snarled mess upon discovering their freedom (my top teeth, bearing no glued-in wire have rearranged themselves to look something like David Bowie's top teeth. Truth.).
But at last the day of reckoning has arrived. The glue on two of my right teeth has given out, leaving the unprotected end to stick out as treacherously as a deadhead on the Wolf River. I guess this would be a good time to have some health insurance. But I've got to be honest with you, it would be just as easy to stick my Leatherman in there and give a good yank and pull the whole mess off. I mean, it's half off already, and whatever glue-y bits remained would get worn down eventually. I'm sure that the parental units are in paroxysms just reading this, after investing a year's worth of tuition in my mouth, but it's not like I'm attempting to dig buckshot out of my leg and sew it up myself. I like the idea of having a mouth Free from Orthodontia. I've managed to make it thus far without any fillings, all wisdom teeth intact, and to have no sign that mankind ever ventured past my pearly whites is attractive. Save for my perfect jawline, of course. (go on. be jealous.) It has to come out one way or another, whether I do it using a tool or by judicious wiggling or pay a man in a white coat to yank it out. Maybe I can floss the rest of it out.