Wednesday, January 04, 2006

An Open Letter to the Jerk from the Subway Commercials

Dear Jared,

I'm writing this letter to you after I saw you in a new Subway ad this evening. How could you? I supported you, you know, when you lost all that weight. I knew how much it affected your life, being that heavy, and how you needed to be thinner to be healthier and have better self-image and I supported that. I thought you felt the same way about me. But apparently not! Because tonight in the commercial you said that "everyone wants to lose weight this time of year." But I don't Jared. I'm very happy the way I am. I would go so far as to say--I love my curves! And I thought that you loved them too. I thought you understood how I was happy being fat and healthy, and would never insist that I slim down for you. But now I see that I was mistaken. Now because you've joined the ranks of the skinny, you feel as thought you have to pressure all your fat friends into being skinny too. Well, I refuse! I'm going to miss all our times together and all the free food you got from Subway, but I think maintaining a healthy body image is more important than starting a diet which is doomed to fail. Love me, love my roll, Jared. When I think of the countless Americans who are throwing their hard-earned money at the diet companies just to feel as though they have some control over their lives instead of using it for something more important*, I feel sick. I thought you understood when occasionally I got the meatball sub instead of the veggie sub. When I put cheese on it. I'm from Wisconsin, Jared, I have needs too! But now I see you don't respect my choices and I'm just going to have to learn to live with the fact that we won't be compatible. Well. I hope that your skinny little life is as fufilling without me as it was with me. Somehow, I don't think it will be.

Yours, Nicki

*Theatre tickets


Chris said...

Thanks for the note. I needed that.

Laura said...

I haven't been speaking to Jared since I saw him in the documentary Supersize me when they interview a girl at a high school where Jared spoke about oostensibly about how losing weight makes you healthier but really it was about the importance of being thin. Afterwards they interviewed this girl and her mother about how much this girl needed to lose weight and how she just needed to "do it" and wouldn't she be so much better for it, and you could tell the whole time that this girl just felt like shit, because her are people who are are supposed to love and care for her telling her she's not Ok the way she is and she can't love herself for being that way. Basically: There's something wrong with you. Well, I've felt that way enough in my life and Jared can just eat shit because I'd rather feel good about myself the way I am than try to change to earn the love of people who obviously don't respect me.
"Everyone needs to lose weight this time of year?" Go to hell!