Friday, August 29, 2008

Tough Decisions

When I was in high school, I had a dream that I turned into a three-part story. The first part was about a woman walking down a dusty road. She saw a box that had a dead dog and a litter of puppies inside--only one had survived, so she took it with her (against her better judgement) and named it Folly. The second part happened years later. Bad things were happening. The woman and her dog were traveling through a small village where soldiers were taking away children. They were luring them into brightly coloured circus wagons--the children were laughing and excited to go, but the old people in the village were crying and upset to see them leave. The third part happened a few years after that--the woman and her dog were walking through a pine forest, and they passed a large open barn. Then they came upon a green retention pond--the woman knew that it contained poison and wasn't safe to drink, but the dog was so thirsty it ran up and drank before the woman could stop it.

It wasn't a pleasant dream, but it was really vivid, obviously, and the images have stuck with me through the years. I was reminded of it tonight when I was walking Kizzy--there's actually a lot of greenward around here, but it tends to be mixed in with industrial and office buildings. So after you traipse through the lovely landscaping, there's tons of trees and wildlife all around. We were trekking behind a local bank when the sun went behind some dark clouds, and then we passed by a retention pond made green with algae. It was a little spooky--all of a sudden the lovely normal day disappeared. We got it back pretty quickly, but for a second it was eerieness.

I'm feeling bad today. Kizzy was in his crate for ten hours because I stayed late to play militia--he has no problem with accidents, but he shouldn't be left alone for so long. We're starting to get along with one another, and have fun, but I'm already worried about what happens when I start working the night programs.

So I looked into doggy daycare. It's expensive, but it'll be worth it. Not to keep Kizzy occupied, but just to assuage some of this crippling guilt I feel leaving him alone for so much. So he can go to doggy daycare during the day, and some of my friends have offered to babysit in the evening if necessary, but I didn't get a dog to have other people look after him. I'm trying not to regret getting a dog--or resent him for infringing on my swingin' singles lifestyle. I love my dog, but I love CW too. I frickin' love working where I do, being involved in all the programs, from the tailor shop (woot for sexy Lafayette!) to the militia to the storytelling programs.

Then there's the fact that I don't have reliable transportation for myself. I can get myself around, but not quickly, and not after Labor Day when the buses stop running at seven. I seriously need to look at getting a car.

But I can't really afford a car if the dog is in daycare.

I know, I know, I should have thought about all this before I got Kizzy. And I did. I just didn't reckon on how difficult it would be to be a single parent. I'm trying not to worry too much about the future. Kizzy's working so hard to be good for me, the least I can do is work hard for him.

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