Thursday, November 30, 2006
tragedy + 2 minutes = comedy
I don't know if anyone has heard about the Russian spy who's died in London recently, but it's starting to turn into a secret agent movie from the 1960s. Apparently Alexander Litveneko, an outspoken critic of Putin's new Russian government, was poisoned with radioactive material at his favourite sushi restaurant. Now the British government is trying to find out who killed him. Luckily radioactive material leaves a radioactive trace wherever it goes, so they've been able to follow it around the city of London like one of those "Family Circus" cartoons. The Russian government denies all involvement, of course, but they're not exactly forthcoming with information, as you can imagine. One of the places Scotland Yard has found radiation is on 3 Boeing 767s which are owned by BA, and which have been in service for the past month. They've been grounded for tests, but BA has had to release a list of flights that were affected. This in turn has thrown the secretarial pool here at the office into something of a whirl, as it transpires that some of our directors may have been on these planes. Unless they were licking the guy who was holding the poison, however, there's not much chance they are radioactive. Besides, there would have been a few tell-tale signs: hair loss, vomiting, glowing green, etc. I joke, but seriously, this whole thing is like a bad pitch for the next Austin Powers movie: "Okay, so after getting off the plane and poisoning the Russian, Austin goes for a walk around Harrods and then has a night out clubbing before staggering around Soho for a few hours and then passing out in a doorway." And there's nothing like watching a highly paid executive going a delicate shade of pale when a group of mischevious secretaries point out to him that the flew on one of the Death Planes.