Monday, November 20, 2006

I wish I was home

In a different place
In a different time
Different people around me
I would like to know of that different world
And how different they find me

Here I am alone
Though it feels the same
I don't know where I'm going
I'm here on my own
And it's not a game
And a strange wind is blowing

I'm so amazed
At the things that I see here
Don't want to be afraid
Don't want to be afraid
I just don't want to be here
In my mind this is clear
What am I doing here?

I wish I was home

"Soon As I Get Home" from The Wiz

I think my biggest problem is I have been homesick for most of my adult life, but I haven't really got a home to look forward too. Every now and then I get to thinking about how I'm going to have to move in February--whether it's another van job here in London or back to the States--and it seems so overwhelming that I just want to stick my head in the sand. Oh, to live in a place for more than nine months! To be able to paint walls and hang curtains and put David in my kitchen and Turner in my living room! To have all my books around me again in one place!--really, it's like being separated from children. I have got to find a place where I can settle down for a few years at least. I can live a big exciting life in a big exciting city--as long as I can have my own space.


Chris said...

I hear you Nicki. The longing for a place of ones own sucks. But at the same moment I don't think I'd trade stablity for soem the adventures.

Laura said...

Your own space. That sounds like a dream to me now. I just called Natalie and she was talking to me and she said You share a room with another person, and i"m like no I share a room with 9 other people and for some weeks 23 other people!

Your quote reminds me of the song I want to go home by Michael Buble. I was going to copy his CD and send it to you, but I didn't want to make you homesick, so I just sent the Mississippi Mix.

Zeze the X said...

Do you know what I think about when I long for a place of my own? Having a hot shower. The shower I have in my house right now sucks, and I wonder if I'm ever going to get to look forward to taking a nice, long, hot shower every morning. I've lived in two crappy apartments and two crappy dorms, and all the showers are lukewarm and so weak I feel like someone is standing over me blowing raspberries. The only time I can have a nice hot one is when I stay with my parents. So I guess I connect "being established" with not starting off every day cold and shivering. It seems a long way off.