Independence Hall, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, is a nationally registered historical landmark. That means all you American taxpayers out there are funding conversations like this one:
Most Unhelpful Tour Guide EVER: Independence Hall Historical Site. Hel—(phone cuts out for a second, Nicki looks at it to make sure it’s still working) He-looooo? Helloooo?
Nicki: Hello? Hi—I’m doing research for the play 1776 and I was wondering if you had any information about, um, like, Philadelphia in that time period, or the men who attended the Continental Congress or anything about that era?
MUTGE: That’s a pretty big chunk of time, you should start by doing some research, that’s a lot of information.
N: Well, I have some information, I’m just looking to fill it out.
MUTGE: I think you need to do some research on your own. I mean, there were 56 guys who signed the Declaration of Independence.
N: Well, there’s only 24 characters in the play—(rising, thinking she’s going to give this woman some names)
MUTGE: Yeah—that’s like basic American history, you should look in a history book or do some research on our website, I can’t really help you.
N: (sitting back down, confused) Yeah, I got your website, that’s how I got your number, but there’s not really a lot of information there. Do you have any info about, like, the time period, or?
MUTGE: See, that’s like, what I said, it’s basic American history. I don’t have time to sit here and give you a history lesson—you need to read a book or something.
N: Okay, seriously? I have, like, a stack of books here that comes up to my waist. I know what happened—what I’m looking for is insider information about Philadelphia during that time period.
MUTGE: This is just basic American history.
N: No, I got that—I got all the facts, but I’m looking for more specific things. Like, do you have any brochures about Independence Hall?
MUTGE: Only what we have on our website.
N: Yeah, but your website isn’t very helpful. I clicked on the link that said “Pictures and Multimedia” and all I got was a schedule for the powerpoint presentations that are available in Philadelphia, but I’m in Chicago, so…
MUTGE: This is basic American history. I mean, I’m sitting here at a visitor’s center desk, I don’t have time to give you a history lesson.
N: I’m not asking you to give me a history lesson, I’m just wondering if you have any additional information, or any brochures you can send me.
N: No brochures?
MUTGE: Not for what your looking for.
N: Okay, well, thanks.
MUTGE: *hangs up without saying another word*