Monday, February 26, 2007

How to Vanish a TV

1. Discover roommate has left you her TV to deal with.
2. Hire cab to take offending TV, bag of clothes, bag of kitchen items, slightly-less beloved books, etc to charity shop.
3. Donate bags of stuff. Discover charity shops do not take electrical equipment in Britain.
4. Bring TV back home.
5. Place TV on curb. Affix sign that says "FREE."
6. Wait ten minutes.
7. Voila! TV is vanished.

David Copperfield, eat your heart out.

I told Lisa I would clean the house if she wouldn't charge me for the internet--fine. But when I got up this morning, I discovered that she had left her duvet, pillows, bedding, bags of clothes, kitchen stuff (including jars of Chinese spices in the fridge--all of which had to be washed out before recycling), and TV in the house. Needless to say, I was not happy. I spent all day today re-arranging STUFF just so I can be in some sort of position to clean tomorrow. I have arranged for a shipping company to come and pick up my beloved books Wednesday, but even so I've decided to part with another five: all my history books are going to get sold down Charing Cross Road tomorrow. Tears! Acid Tears! I feel like someone's cut my arm off. (no--Nelson is still coming home, although Wellington didn't make the cut. Wanker.) I also went through all my theatre programs, which was emotionally challenging. So I've spent a lot of the day alternately mad, upset, sad, cranky and also very tired. At least I've been eating well--hey, someone has to clean out the freezer. I took a suitcase (my big suitcase, the one you could fit a person into. No, really, I'm actually not exaggerating) down to Waterloo and gave about half my wardrobe to my friend Deb, who's lost nearly 150 pounds and is now just about my size. Why, you ask? Books, my dear Watson! I can always buy new clothes...besides, everyone knows that it's minus twenty in Wisconsin, I'll just be sitting around all day in my Canada sweatshirt, in a fug. I know y'all will find it hard to believe that I have my possessions down to two suitcases and one box, but there it is. I just wish I didn't have to.

For the record, if anyone is looking to buy me a birthday present next winter, the books I'm missing are:

"Freedom Just Around the Corner"
"His Excellency George Washington"
"Wellington and Napoleon"
"Rights of Man"
"Our Musicals, Ourselves"


Chris said...

Nice Work Nicki. I'm very impressed that you're able to get ready to move between countries and manage to Stage manage at the same time. And I have a historical book waiting for you when you get home, though its not on your list.

premiere girl said...

Oh, my...You are actually all leaving..that is so sad..but still, I'm sure we'll meet again soon.