Today one of the actors was accidentally not called for an afternoon rehearsal, so I had to telephone him and ask him if he wasn't busy if he could quickly come. Luckily he was available, and the rehearsal went really well, but I was furious with myself for such a stupid mistake. I felt like Dobby after he let it slip that Malfoy was a bad master. Kate said to me, "in your defence, he was there when we changed the schedule..." but I still felt really dumb. Grrr. Feeling more confident, but also more uptight about things not going wrong on my watch.
Today on the way home I was nauseous with homesickness. Something about the sun on the trees set me off and I nearly sobbed into the train window. One of my friends laughed at me when I said that I hadn't seen my family since Christmas. "Neither have I!" she said, but then I reminded her that she could get to them in an hour if need be. One of my classmates has gone home to Chicago and I am ferocious with jealousy. Lucky she didn't tell me before she left or I might have been forced to kill her and assume her identity. I was talking to my tutor yesterday about what I'm going to do with Tha Future, and I was telling him how I miss the states and how I want to go home but...oh, but there's always a but isn't there...but I know that I would miss the museums and the city life. The history. He said, "well, you don't have to go tomorrow. See what happens." I could stay in London for a while. But the thought of commuting an hour each way on a crowded train for the rest of my life makes me want to pull my hair out. (haven't quite lost my love for the Underground...but I'm getting there...) This Sunday I'm going to go see a movie, do something fun with friends. I have spent too much time on my own, or watching people talking about the Holocaust. I think I'm just tired.
Then again, I might have been nauseous because I had a pie on the train home.