...makes the world go 'round...

So I don't have enough moola to do crazy things like, oh, I don't know, fly to London, but in looking at my bank account today, I realised that I have more money now than I had when I moved to Williamsburg. Yay. That helps. I moved at the perfect intersection of needing to pay a deposit meets getting my tax refund. My only question: how will I spend my extra government money? I may just have to adopt a small furry. We shall see.

Meanwhile, I was wondering about my blog and how it's all about me, me, me, and does anyone really care about what I have to say about things? Then I realised I don't really care, I just want a written record of my opinions. I love my blog. It's such a hugely egotistical thing to do, writing totally about oneself. Yet, no one has to read it. People can choose to participate, or not. But, unlike the endless debate of whether or not an audience makes theatre, a blog will still be a blog EVEN IF NO ONE READS IT. Amazing.

That little train of thought was mostly because I am now going to complain about what a bad movie The Bounty is. Totally my opinion, you can read it or not, but I just want to set down for the record: it's a bad movie.

Oh, don't get me wrong, The Bounty WANTS to be a good movie. Based loosely on Mutiny on the Bounty, the story is told from Captain Bligh's point of view. He is being tried by the Admiralty as to whether or not he's responsible for losing his ship, so the whole movie is his flashback. Here's the thing though: the main plotpoint of Mutiny is Christian Fletcher setting Bligh adrift in the ocean and there is no dramatic tension if you know he survives.

Er. I hope I didn't spoil that for anyone. It's still a good book though, go read it.

The movie stars Anthony Hopkins as Bligh, and Mel Gibson as Christian Fletcher. The film also stars Laurence Olivier as Admiral Hood. I couldn't help but picturing Olivier kicking the door down on the first day of filming and shouting something like "all right people, let me show you how it's done!" in his shiny, shiny uniform. (the movie is bad, but the uniforms are spot on. what it is about costumers getting naval uniforms right when everything else is crap?) Anthony Hopkins is acting his heart out, but Mel Gibson steals the scenes for being so amazingly mediocre. I mean--Fletcher's whole conflict is whether or not he should desert and stay on Tahiti or Do His Duty and stay with the ship, but we get none of that until the moment when he starts waving a sword around and declaiming "I am in hell!" in his best "they may take our lives but they'll never take our freedom!" voice.

Also. The sailing scenes are lousy. Lots of long shots of anonymous sailors reefing sails or falling over themselves in the middle of a squall. And then they get to Tahiti where the whole crew is seduced by a Dance of Fertility performed by half-naked women, in the worst tradition of exotic-other-islanders meets western-civilization. The sailors think the Tahitians have everything figured out and are seduced by the easy-going lifestyle and loose women. Got it. Now go put some clothes on.

What isn't clear is why people dislike Bligh so much--he treats his crew like dirt, but only after Tahiti. I suppose in a better-scripted movie it would be clearer that his mental state is due to the exhaustion of constantly resisting pretty girls, but here it just feels like "oh, time for Bligh to go mad and...go."


Anthony Hopkins: "I can do mad...you ever hear of a little film called 'Silence of the Lambs?'"

Anyway, this movie gets a one out of four stars...I could have enjoyed it more, but the whole thing just didn't hang together. The designs were fabulous, but the acting was uneven and the sailing scenes made me wince. Also, if you have a man who needs a ponytail, for God's sake, give him a wig. You will never be able to match a fake tail to his real hair--Clark Gable didn't learn this in 1936's version, and Mel Gibson is unable to pull it off here.

I recommend watching The Bounty with lots and lots of tropical drinks.