Faithful

Tomorrow comes the next step in both paths of the Plan, outlined previously. I will find out if I progress to the "interview" stage of Teach for America, and I will also be visiting Madison to visit/interview/dazzle the Theatre Department. Needless to say, I'm slightly nervous. Nervous firstly because I'm driving and, let's face it, it's been a while. Nervous also because the more I think about attending Madison as a PhD student, the more I realise that's what I want to do more than anything in the world. (the only exception possibly having "UK" at the bottom of my address, but I digress) I don't want to put too much pressure on tomorrow since I'm already stressed out, but the people I'll be speaking with tomorrow have the power to determine what I'm going to be doing with the next five years of my life. And if THAT's not a dramatic statement, I don't know what is.

I still don't understand how people do this whole life thing. How do you not stop and change your life every few years? Aim for a graduation ceremony or the end of a contract and then make new plans? Which is what I've been doing, I guess, only perhaps I've foundered a bit more than some people I know. But it would be a relief to have the next few years planned out--not planned, but with a clear goal in mind. Of course, there are several steps to go still. Before I'm accepted I have to take the GRE, then actually apply, and then it will be all for naught unless I can get some fabulous financing going. Ah, yes, but if all the dreams come true I look forward to *finally* ensconcing myself in a fabulously boho apartment, complete with dog, and having room to stretch out ALL my Nelson stuff. Also, safely back at school which is clearly where I belong. Who would have thought?! Me. A scholar. tee hee.

Part of me still wants to be selfish and run off to London--part of me is so happy to be back in the US. I guess that's part of the nervousness as well. Two years ago I was happily wandering around London--well, not happily, after all, it was only loneliness that drove me to explore Greenwich and stumble across Lord Nelson--but the point is I was THERE. And now I'm here. I never would have connected the two places, but when I sit down and write my memoirs seventy years from hence, o what a wonderful story it will be. That's me--often given to dramatics, morose, ebullient (it's a vocab word!), capricious (ditto!), but never boring.