A friend exhorted me last week to not let a steady paycheck go to my head and remember that theatre is my true calling. "Great!" I thought, "I'm going to SM a friend's show next week, and I have NO PROBLEM taking off work, so yessir, I've got it all figured out."
Except today when I went to the tech rehearsal, there were about a half-dozen people running around taking care of the lights and sound, and the show had gone on so long without an SM they didn't really need one. I was upset like "hey, wait a minute! I SAID I would do it! Wait for meeee!" But then I realised the real person I'm pissed off at is myself. I should have arranged my schedule better and committed more time to this project. Now there's no need for me, so I'm not going to be involved. I was talking to one of the actresses who was happily nattering on about "oh, yes, I work for six weeks, then do theatre for six weeks, and it works out well!" And I thought "Yes, that's what I want to do." Unfortunately, my first assignment coincided with my first out of school theatre project and I'm horrified to realise that work came first. Just because they're paying me. So now I can take care of rent and buy that nice suede coat, but working on an exciting festival of new short plays isn't worth my time because I can't afford a travelcard. I truly am useless. I hope they DO offer me a job in this huge corporation, just so I can take it and becoming a complete sellout.