Monday, November 26, 2007

veep on ice

I just read that Emma Clarke, the woman who does the famous "Mind the Gap!" warnings on the Tube has been sacked for posting, uh, "alternate" Tube announcements. My favourite one is "To our American, friends, you are most certainly talking too loudly." YES. Yes, you are. I can understand why London Underground had to let her go (I mean, she was riffing on the customers there), but on the other hand--it's nothing we haven't thought before.

In other news, CNN is telling me that veep Dick Cheney (aka Lord Doom) is undergoing heart surgery to install an electric shocker that will regulate his irregular heartbeat.

Now, I don't wish anyone dead. No. No, I do not, not even Dick Cheney, but I am a bad person, because my mind did briefly stray into a cinematic tableau, where VP Dick Cheney was out cold to the world, his chest open like a Christmas turkey, small black heart sluggishly pumping bile. And standing over him, swathed in white like an avenging Angel, a heart surgeon, his hands stained red, arms outstretched as he struggles with his inner conscience: should fullfill his oath as a Doctor or should he rid the world of evil, EVIL! Nurses standing around, breathless, their shining eyes on him as they await his decision, the only noise the faint hiss of the respirator and beep of the heart monitor. Beep...beep...beep...still they wait...beep...beep...beep...a single line of sweat is as if eternity has slowed, all posterity is holding its breath...beep...beep...the lights one moves...dimmer now, greying at the edges...beep...beep...fade to black.

CNN tells me, however, that this will be an outpatient procedure, which means my disgusting little daydream will never happen. sigh. I am a bad person. Blame the imagination. And the fact that I've been watching LOTR for two days straight. Too much epic drama and you start seeing it everywhere.

1 comment:

Samantha said...

But an incredible cinematic vision!